I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need a burrito and a hug.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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