i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
