when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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