I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
