Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
