one might say we're banned from that church
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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