You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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