If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
