I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize