Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
