tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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