I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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