sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
