i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
