He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
