But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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