ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
