If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
