Can i not drive my cunt home
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
