At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
