she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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