There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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