Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
