I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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