Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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