I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Be still, my beating vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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