I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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