so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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