i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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