So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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