omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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