Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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