Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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