i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
barbara walters just said penis...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize