She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My vagina is officially offended.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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