Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
