I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
