My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
