I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
try to milk me bitch
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