Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
