i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
