All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
