you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
