i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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