My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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