Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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