My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This toilet bowl is my home.
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