You're my little dorito
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
