Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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