her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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