i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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