You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
