Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
