He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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