It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
