Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
