I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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