It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
