I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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