i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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