Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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