I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
