Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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