he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
