Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
