The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
