Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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