Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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