Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
