she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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