Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
