it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
