I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize